How many holes does a ritz cracker have?

Posted on September 23, 2005 at 12:59 AM

Filed from the Department of Useless Information here at JoeSchmidt.com

Being the repository of useless information that I am, I was shocked that I didn't know the answer to this question. You see, the entire staff of this blog went to dinner at Cheeburger Cheeburger this evening. For those of you not familiar with this establishment, it is a fifties-esque, sock hoppin, pink neon, greasy spoon type of joint. Basically, heart attack on a plate type fare. And as a bonus, if are reckless enough to eat their famed 1 pound burger they will take your picture and slap it up on the wall. Each restaurant has a shrine on the wall dedicated to all of their mullet wearing, Wal-mart shopping patrons who've accomplished this noble feat.

So after we order our food, our waitress comes back over and announces she has a trivia question for us. If we get it right then she'll give us a free t-shirt. Now I'm thinking she doesn't look a day over 17, so I'm guessing this trivia question will be something like "what is Ashton Kutcher's middle name" or "what did Britney Spears and K-fed name their redneck love child?" You know, something of that nature.

So the question she gave us was, How many holes does a ritz cracker have?

A relatively simple question I thought. The average person has probably stuffed hundreds of these crackers in their mouth over the course of a lifetime. But who really stops to count the tiny, minuscule holes cut in the top? Not this blog. Well, at least until now...

She then leaves to give us a few minutes to ponder. Though it didn't really matter because no one had a clue what the answer was. And besides, winning a Cheeburger Cheeburger shirt wasn't exactly a goal I was striving to achieve.

She comes back and asks for our answers. Dumbfounded, we answered 16 and 12. Not very good guesses on our part, but like I said we, it was a moot point.

Buzzzzzzzzz.... Sorry. The correct answer is seven.

What? No parting gifts?

So let's sum up the useless information you gleamed from this post:

A ritz cracker has seven holes. (FYI: a saltine cracker has thirteen holes)

Britney and K-Fed's redneck love child is named Sean Preston.

Ashton Kutcher's middle name is actually, Ashton. (trick question)

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