On the road - part two: Augusta National vs. 5 year old

Posted on April 20, 2005 at 02:07 AM

The effects of golf as a spectator sport, especially when viewed through television, have been well documented to cause most people to become dreary and fall asleep due to boredom. Just thinking about the soft monotone voices of the commentators, the slow play of the golfers, and the camera shots following the flight of the golf ball: from the point it is struck, to where it lofts hiiiigh into the air, then gently plopping down onto the green, makes me yawn even blogging about it. Yawn. (see, now you're yawning too.)

However, what effects would a live golf tournament, at one of the most historic golf courses in the world, have on a 5 year old boy? I present to you some photographic evidence:

Exhibit A: 5 year old, 30 minutes into his first visit to Augusta National

Subject appears to be happy, seems to be doing well at this point. No apparent side effects.

Exhibit B: 5 year old after 90 minutes

I noted a slight change in mood which can be seen here in his facial expression. Also note subject appears to be tangled in the guard rope. This was self-inflicted.

Exhibit C: 5 year old at the 2 and half hour mark

Subject's attitude has definitely headed south at this point.

And finally, Exhibit D: 5 year old after 2 hours and 31 minutes succumbs to complete boredom

Note: Subject is down.

Looking back this was pretty much a no-brainer and I was surprised he lasted as long as he did. So it is easy to conclude that a 5 year old is no match for a golf tournament, be it live in-person or on t.v.

Although he did manage to fire off a few salvos of his own. First, by dropping his golf ball onto the 9th hole and having it roll all the way down to the middle of the fairway with Tiger Woods a mere 150 yards away. Next he threw a pine cone onto the middle of the fairway at the 13th hole. Then finally removing the bark from numerous trees throught out the course.

After all of this, he and Grandma left the course and proceeded to a friend's house where they fed a purple alligator marshmellows. I do not have photographic proof of said purprle alligator, so I have to take the word of my 5 yr old son (who's been known to say anything) and my Mother (No she hadn't been drinking) that the alligator in question was indeed purple.

Photographic proof of the purple marshmellow eating alligator can be sent to me at joe.schmidt@gmail.com and will be prominently displayed on this site.

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